The Essential Skills for Being Humane: Communication

Changing culture: can we re-learn?

How do your ancestors show up in your life?

"What's your favorite unimportant thing about you?"

Today, I woke up to a piece in The New York Times that delved into the essence of being human. The article itself spoke about the need to develop social skills that make us more human. Yet, in essence, being human involves developing social skills that are driven by being a great communicator.

'Many years ago, patent lawyers at Bell Labs were trying to figure out why some employees were much more productive than others. They explored almost every possible explanation — educational background, position in the company — and came up empty. Then they noticed a quirk. Many of the most productive researchers were in the habit of having breakfast or lunch with an electrical engineer named Harry Nyquist. Nyquist really listened to their challenges, got inside their heads, brought out the best in them. Nyquist, too, was an illumination.'

' If we are going to accompany someone well, we need to abandon the efficiency mindset. We need to take our time and simply delight in another person’s way of being. I know a couple who treasure friends who are what they call “lingerable.” These are the sorts of people who are just great company, who turn conversation into a form of play and encourage you to be yourself. It’s a great talent, to be lingerable.'

'Don’t be a topper. If somebody tells you he is having trouble with his teenager, don’t turn around and say: “I know exactly what you mean. I’m having incredible problems with my own Susan.” You may think you’re trying to build a shared connection, but what you are really doing is shifting attention back to yourself.'

'I have learned something profound along the way. Being openhearted is a prerequisite for being a full, kind and wise human being. But it is not enough. People need social skills. The real process of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete actions well: being curious about other people; disagreeing without poisoning relationships; revealing vulnerability at an appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.'

'People want to connect. Above almost any other need, human beings long to have another person look into their faces with love and acceptance. The issue is that we lack practical knowledge about how to give one another the attention we crave. Some days it seems like we have intentionally built a society that gives people little guidance on how to perform the most important activities of life.'

Then we ask a fundamental question: does it essentially mean being a great communicator makes you more human?

Being a great communicator can make you more human in the sense that effective communication often involves empathy, active listening, understanding others' perspectives, and expressing emotions and thoughts clearly. These qualities are fundamental aspects of human connection and understanding. When you communicate effectively, you engage with others on a deeper level, fostering meaningful connections and relationships. In this way, mastering the art of communication can contribute to a more empathetic, understanding, and relatable human presence.

Can we then postulate that new media has made us less good communicators and hence less human?

New media has undeniably transformed the way we communicate, introducing new platforms and formats for interaction. While new media can enhance communication in various ways, it also presents challenges. The fast-paced nature of online communication, characterized by text messages, social media posts, and instant messaging, can sometimes lead to misinterpretation, misunderstandings, and a lack of nuance. In this context, some argue that the immediacy and brevity of new media have the potential to make us less patient, less empathetic, and, in essence, less human in our interactions (levels of loneliness are on the rise).

There are many factors driving the numbers, the most significant being the proliferation of new media spaces (VR, AR, and XR), where, in a way, new cultural habits are slowly evolving in our lifetime with some exciting results.

Let's delve into our local debate: Mr.Beast.

To my kind followers (please subscribe to my Substack account):

Mr.Beast is an American YouTuber known for his stunts, challenges, and philanthropy. He has over 100 million subscribers on YouTube, making him one of the most popular YouTubers in the world. Mr. Beast often gives away large sums of money in his videos, such as $10,000 to random people on the street or $50,000 to the winner of a challenge. He has also donated millions of dollars to charity. Beast's videos are popular because they are often creative, funny, and heartwarming. He is known for his outlandish stunts, such as tipping a pizza delivery person $10,000 or giving away a free house. He is also known for his challenges, such as trying to eat 100 pizzas in 24 hours or staying in a solitary confinement room for 50 days.

Then Mr.Beast decides to do some work in Kenya, in collaboration with a local NGO... (Come to think of it, he probably was expecting to go viral with his work; Kenyans can be something else online.) The critics, naysayers, and experts have come out guns blazing... (Many did not even know who Mr.Beast was in the first place.)

It's baffling to them how boreholes can be dug without the usual fanfare, official launches, and associated politics. Questions arise: Where were the MCAs to demand additional funds from the contractors? Why didn't KURA/KERRAA conduct soil sampling and lab tests in South Africa? And what about the meetings in Naivasha where budgets are padded for personal gains?

Additionally, there are online activists who criticize politicians but disappear when it's time to take real action on the streets. Many don't even know the names of their local MCAs and have never attended any Annual Development Plan meetings, deliberately scheduled on weekdays to deter public participation. Those who do attend are often paid proxies, passing projects that benefit the politicians' personal interests.

Contrastingly, many others are wondering what the hullabaloo is all about. The younger generation, represented by figures like Mr. Beast, operates differently. They are not swayed by the day's political shenanigans. One can only imagine the meticulous workflow behind Mr. Beast's projects—the research, the quiet spaces where decisions are made. How did they select each project? Who conducted the research? Strangely, the local media and political leaders fail to notice these efforts, leaving many to wonder why such impactful initiatives go unnoticed in our own community.

That came out clearly about the cultural, thinking, and community differences we have in our country and the huge multigenerational issue brought about by the way we interact with the media.

Now I can only imagine how the children in those schools feel and, in essence, will go to their homes and tell the boomer parents that they would like to be YouTubers like Mr.Beast and the heart attacks and tears many of the parents will be undergoing to try and understand how their kids want to be online sensations.

Does that difference drive a communication challenge and ultimately make us less human?

(We just made Mr.Beast YouTube - Philanthropy channel go Viral)

I am Proud to be a Kenyan.....

Signed Susan Ngatia